HELLO!! DO YOU REMEMBER ME? CAUSE I DON’T
You guys. WHAT is happening with you!? I haven’t been on this blog for a year. A full year. Longer than a year. It was middle of December 2016 when I last posted. Cardi B was still stripping. What a whirlwind it’s been. For both me and her. I just looked down through my posts and realized that a lot of photos on my old posts don’t even show up anymore. This is because I was charged a yearly fee that I used to pay to keep this blog a .com and not a .wordpress.com and I was like yeah nahhhhh and I think that by stopping that, I lost all the image mapping. I think I lost my e-mail follow list, too. Or that’s totally wrong. Is “image mapping” even a thing? I have no idea, I’m literally making things up. Sounded smart tho.
I felt like I should pop in and update you guys with what went down in my life in 2017. Some of you were really riding dirty with me on this journey of life and then I bailed when I stopped blogging. You were like “Caroline, what’s happening?” and I flipped my hair back and said “Mmmmm I’m super busy!” but listen I lied I’m not really that busy I mean I’ve literally never missed an episode of The Bachelor, who am I fooling here.
For most of 2017, I worked on this little gem of a show called One Day at a Time. If you have somehow missed my incessant posting, it’s a sitcom on Netflix that I’ve been lucky enough to write on for two seasons now. The second season, that we spent most of 2017 writing and filming, is premiering THIS MONTH! JANUARY 26TH! Get out your phone and set yourself a calendar reminder because what else are you doing that day? Oh, you got a date? You got a party? You got chili to make? TOO BAD you’re watching the show and texting me your thoughts.
That job ended in September so I spent September and October sitting in my apartment, staring at the wall and organizing my nail polish drawer. The most structured part of my day was when I would do a face mask mid-afternoon. It was very exciting when it would dry. Because I would then have to wash it off, which was something to do.
Buuuuuut I got another job in November that I’m still doing. I’ve been writing on a show called The Bold Type!!! It’s this amazing female-empowered show on Freeform and I’ve been lovvvving working on the second season. I don’t know when it’s coming out yet but you’ll have to cancel your date/party/chili then, too. I’ll let you know ASAP so you can plan accordingly. Watch the first season on Hulu!!
I also got a boyfriend. As you all know, I was crushing my single Carrie Bradshaw life. I would go on dates with all the expectations that I was meeting my husband, it would go horribly, and I was then free to complain to anybody that would listen about how men everywhere were a disappointment. It was an artform and I was a artiste (with an e, that’s how good I was). I then went on a Tinder date with a guy. He was easy on the eyes and had quick wit. He never called me back, and then I met Joe, my boyfriend.
Just kidding. Joe’s the witty cutie. On most days. A few hours into our first date, karaoke started. He asked me if I wanted to sing. I told him that I would rather cartwheel into quicksand while lit on fire. He left for the karaoke stand (which was of course the DJ, who doubled as the bartender, with a laptop). Joe came back to announce that he put his name down… and mine. Not one to ever turn down a challenge, I ended up doing the one thing I hate – karaoke – in a dinky dive bar in front of a bunch of toothless hillbillies and this one really charming guy, all while on our first date. MUCH to my demise, I actually had so much fun.… I know. It sounds like the worst romantic comedy ever. 2% on Rotten Tomatoes. At most.
But I totally fell for it. I really like him. We actually have this weird origin story where we’ve been in the same place 70 million times and had each others number before we met, but I’ll tell you more later. I don’t want to bombard you with stories because who wants to be the person who only talks about their — Did I mention he’s Australian??
But really, he is. So we barely speak the same language, which is why I think it’s worked out this long. He says colour, I say color. He says g-day, I say hello. He says Americans are not very well educated about the rest of the world, I say but is true that your toilets flush the other way!?!!???
This winter I went on a Birthright trip and spent ten days exploring Israel and made 50 new friends. To answer your next question, my dad is Jewish. To answer the question you didn’t have, I got Bat Mitzfahed there!!!! My Hebrew name is Shalva. I’m getting it embroidered on towels soon. You CAN’T use them when you come over, as they will be my show towels. With tassels.
I still own a cat. He has not turned into a dog yet. And he does this thing where he sits on my chest so I can’t see my laptop whasliel I’ms typiinjdng.
That’s the gist of my life. I just checked my instagram to see if I missed any highlights. Oh, I started experimenting with red lipstick at the start of this year. I always HATED lip color when I younger because it felt dry and I didn’t like the way it looked. Then, in college, I actually was curious about it but still never used it because I had made such a point of hating it before. You know what I mean? I couldn’t just use lipstick now and give up this important facet of who I am as a person!!! This is actually how my brain works.
Anyway now I try it out once in a while. I think I will master staying within the actual lines of my lips by the end of 2018. If I take until 2019, fine. Self improvement is a JOURNEY, people.
How was your year??